Mordechai Jefferson Carver is a tough talking private dick from Brooklyn who fears no one but his formidably solicitous mother. As the Hammer politely rebuffs meddling babushkas who want to hook him up with their pimply daughters, a crisis is brewing at the North Pole. Santa, a tolerant fellow who dedicated his life to shaping and preserving an inclusive holiday season, has been murdered by his evil son, Damian. Damian intends to destroy Hanukkah and Kwanzaa, returning Christmas to its proper place in the holiday pantheon. Damian sends his minion, Tiny Tim, to corrupt Jewish children with copies of It's a Wonderful Life and books in-store appearances during which, flanked by bimbos in peekaboo Santa skirts, he tells wide-eyed youngsters that Jews worship Satan and sacrifice gentile children just like them. Chief Bloomenbergansteinthal, head of the Jewish Justice League, is desperate. The chairman of the Worldwide Jewish Media Conspiracy has nothing to offer but another Adam Sandler movie and the Hammer quit the JJL a year ago rather than play by the organization's stupid rules. Fortunately, the Chief's comely daughter, comely Esther Bloomenbergansteinthal, is on hand to persuade him to save Hannukah. Once the Hammer joins forces with old pal Mohammed and the Kwanzaa Liberation Front, it's only a matter of time before Santa Damian gets his sorry ass kicked to the Wailing Wall and back.