Stuck at a comic book store for the last six hours. Friends are playing a magic: the gathering tourny. Sadly, one of my friends is doing exceptionally well, hence us still being here. I am cold, bored, broke, and extremely hungry. That, combined with absolutely nothing good happening to me the last few days = bad mood.

There's some 40+ year olds in the corner. They've been playing d&d for as long as we've been here. I wouldn't want to be them, but hey, whatever makes you happy.

Apparently there's a large genre of manga about otaku girls being obsessed with Yaoi; half the manga here are about that.

I haven't really played magic since 10th grade, so its hard for me to feel enthusiastic over all of this. Maybe its just that I'm hungry but I'm actually pretty miserable right now. Fuck. I wish I had a job. So I could get a car. So I could have left when I felt like it. But I can't. Because there are no jobs. Because the economy is shit. Or whatever. Dammit man. What's the point of blogging?

Trying hard not to bitch and moan, so I'm out.

--
And there are trapdoors
That you can't come back from

I am still just a rat in a cage.

No growth. No progression. No change.

I can't go to college without a car. I can't get a car without money. I can't get any money without a job (just laid off due to lack of work/economy/whatever). I can't get a job in this fucking desert, because it feels as though there is NOTHING. I hate this place.

I feel so crippled, like I'm incapable of expressing myself creatively. Or that I'm not good enough. Or that I've reached a level I can't pass. Or maybe I don't have the right tools. Or the right enviroment.

If I could escape I would. I would run away. Forget everyone. Start over. I could fix everything.

But despite all of my rage, I am still just a rat. Stuck in a cage.

-- And there are trapdoors That you can't come back from

Went to Idywild yesterday. Its this small town hidden in the mountains behind the desert. So beautiful. I wish I could live here. Oh, and got faded.

--
And there are trapdoors
That you can't come back from

What did I do today?

Smoked too much, that's what. Sorry. Thinking is extremely difficult at this time, please try again later.

Peace~

--
And there are trapdoors
That you can't come back from

Some random funny pictures. Major bummed my siggy messed up on the last post, after I already messed up :( I wish we could delete stuff! Oh well, learned my lesson. Going to triple check before I send from now on, :P

^wrote that earlier.

I just got back from carissa's. Its like, 3:24 am. Late. Being with carissa and her friends became so awkward for me. Like. Its really hard for me to relate to them. At all. I fail to communicate. So I feel like a misfit or something. I don't even know why. I'm not trying to sound like some whiner. I'm sorry I did not have a mother and a father that loved me. Or lived in a family with good income. I'm sorry I need to wash my clothes at friends house's (i washed my clothes at carissa's). I'm sorry my dad didn't buy me a nice car. It makes me feel so frustrated that I feel so out of place. Especially after I was just talking about communicating. They can't relate to me, and I can't relate to them.

What the FUCK am I talking about? Am I just venting about being socially inept? Or are they just snobs? Or is it none of this, and I'm just taking everything too seriously? I have no clarity and no understanding.

Life is a vast ocean, and I'm on a piece of driftwood. No compass, no map, no help.

(I wish I could channel angst into creativity instead of boring blogs) --
And there are trapdoors
That you can't come back from

(Forgot to send pics last time- my bad! I wish we could delete entries... is it possible? Somebody tell me if you know!)

So my first two hours at work today are by myself. I'm pretty faded. What to do?

Lay down and chill in a makeshift bed! (Shown in pic)

When I'm at work my mind is in constant thought, like gears.

Communication is the key to everything.. I've been thinking about it. Things have only gotten better as we've learned to communicate more with eachother... if you think about it, we'd never argue or fight with eachother if we all understood eachother perfectly... that's why it's important to just be straight (attitude, not sexuality), honest, and open minded with everything. The problem is, straight, honest, open minded people already know and practice this. Meanwhile, arrogant close-minded folks are too busy being arrogant and close-minded to consider this is a good idea. That's the problem. :(

So now I'm at carissa's. For the 'battle of the sexes'. Actually pretty fun. Just relaxing with friends. But, I've been paying more attention to HN then my friends! Time to get lost :P (trying some 1337 html to fix my sig, sorry if it comes out poor)

--
And there are trapdoors
That you can't come back from
-- And there are trapdoors That you can't come back from

So my first two hours at work today are by myself. I'm pretty faded. What to do?

Lay down and chill in a makeshift bed! (Shown in pic)

When I'm at work my mind is in constant thought, like gears.

Communication is the key to everything.. I've been thinking about it. Things have only gotten better as we've learned to communicate more with eachother... if you think about it, we'd never argue or fight with eachother if we all understood eachother perfectly... that's why it's important to just be straight (attitude, not sexuality), honest, and open minded with everything. The problem is, straight, honest, open minded people already know and practice this. Meanwhile, arrogant close-minded folks are too busy being arrogant and close-minded to consider this is a good idea. That's the problem. :(

So now I'm at carissa's. For the 'battle of the sexes'. Actually pretty fun. Just relaxing with friends. But, I've been paying more attention to HN then my friends! Time to get lost :P (trying some 1337 html to fix my sig, sorry if it comes out poor)

--
And there are trapdoors
That you can't come back from

After breakfast...

Got faded with travis, bryce, and danielle. It was super hot- super lame.

Saw hoorton hears a who, or something like that. Pretty cool. a great movie for kids.

Went home, kicked it. Got picked up by lee; bounced to nicks. Smoking hookah. Just tried it; its ok. Nothing special, haha.

Gay marriage got overturned here in california today. Good for them?

I'm actually still at nicks, haha. Hmmm... nick's little brother is out here, pretty chill. Hahahaha I'm gonna get lostt

-- And there are trapdoors That you can't come back from

Woke up. Took a shower. Got faded.

I got to use my new toaster. I haven't had a toaster in years, so I was pretty excited.

Listened to Your Favorite Weapon while eating. That's an awesome album.

Its way too hot today.

-- And there are trapdoors That you can't come back from

Hanging out after dark on a rooftop- pretty relaxing. (Ps: wow that first picture on the last post came out funny haha) -- And there are trapdoors That you can't come back from